No, 'EM' doesn't stand for my nickname. It stands for "Emotional Meltdown" and I should have seen this one coming - the same thing happened last year - but this year it came out of left field and hit me on the head around 10pm last night. It's the time of year, for the second year in a row, when everyone else goes back to work - except me.
Yep, today is the day my (former) colleagues hit their classrooms and offices, all refreshed and renewed from their summer break, ready to tackle another school year. And when I stand in my hallway, semi-paralyzed, desperately searching for some sort of project to keep my hands busy and my mind occupied.
Last night I decided to change things up on my blog and set up a new template, maybe change some fonts around, and give it a fresh new feel. After 30 minutes of working, I changed one little thing and all the other changes I'd made reverted back to the [ugly, who-would-ever-use-that-setting] default colors and options. UGH. I was so pissed. And frustrated. And feeling like I couldn't do anything right. And like nothing was working. And that my life was crap and what the hell was wrong with me. And then the hubs hollered over from the office, asking if I was ok and the floodgates opened and there was no going back.
I'll spare you the tears-flying, nose-running details and just say that I woke up this morning feeling more refreshed and resolved to make the best of a crappy situation. I know that something will work out - it always does - and I know that there is a good possibility I'll be back to work in a few weeks. It might be part-time again and it might not be counseling but hey, sometimes we just have to slow down and be grateful for the simple things in life.
I was incredibly grateful today for the sunshine. After weeks of summer that have been gray and gloomy, the last two days have been gorgeous. I got to be in the yard all afternoon and nothing says therapy like some sunshine.
I'm also especially grateful for the hubs, who sat next to me, wiped my tears, listened to my almost-incoherent ranting, and reassured me that things would be all right. And he's right - they will be.